The 10 Joker-Broker Archetypes We Filter Out
We serve bankable sponsors. Everyone else is noise. Below are the ten most common joker-brokers and time wasters, the tells that give them away, their typical lines, and the kill switches that end the exchange fast.
Bottom line:
professional work is paid work. Sequence is KYC, data room, fees, underwriting, terms. Anything else is a stall.
The Archetypes
✗ PPP Prophet
Tells: “tier one traders,” compounding returns, MT799 demands, no auditeds.
“We can do 100% per week if you send MT799.”
Kill switch
We do not engage PPP. If you have operating cash flows and auditeds, upload the data room. Otherwise this ends here.
✗ Leased-SBLC Monetizer
Tells: “leased paper,” 70–80% non recourse cash out, screenshots from Telegram.
“Top 25 bank instrument ready. Monetize by Friday.”
Kill switch
Banks do not cash out leased instruments. If you have cash collateral or a balance sheet facility, share terms. If not, pass.
✗ 100% LTC, 0-Equity Buyer
Tells: hotel or CRE buys with 0 GP cash, no guarantees, asks for 98–100% LTC.
“We bring management expertise instead of equity.”
Kill switch
We require verifiable sponsor equity and credible LTC. No equity, no deal.
✗ Fuel-Flip King
Tells: EN590 or JP54 rotations, no title, no tankage, no prepay, wants multi-billion line.
“Buyer pays later. Supplier is ready. Just issue a SBLC.”
Kill switch
Provide title, storage, contracts, and a track record. Without that there is no trade finance discussion.
✗ NCNDA Collector
Tells: stacks NDAs before sharing anything, five brokers chained, no mandate.
“Sign my NCNDA then I reveal the principal.”
Kill switch
Introduce the principal by email with verifiable coordinates or we close the file.
✗ LOI-Only Forwarder
Tells: one-page LOI, no data room, wants soft terms to shop around.
“Send indicative terms so I can present to my investor.”
Kill switch
Upload a structured data room. We do not issue terms against a one-pager.
✗ KYC-Phobic ‘Sovereign’
Tells: refuses passports and BO registers, cites secrecy, wants KYC after funding.
“Client is sovereign. KYC after closing.”
Kill switch
KYC and AML come first. If you cannot comply, we cannot engage.
✗ Friday Closer
Tells: fake urgency, no diligence, wants commitment now and docs later.
“We must close this week. Send commitment now.”
Kill switch
Sequence is diligence, then commitment, then funding. If timing cannot support that, we decline.
✗ Fee-Shamer
Tells: calls retainers a scam, wants success fee only, asks for free modeling.
“If you are real, work now and get paid at closing.”
Kill switch
Underwriting and legal are paid milestones. If you cannot fund work, you are not a fit.
✗ RWA/MT799 Tourist
Tells: asks for our bank coordinates or RWA letter as “comfort” before anything else.
“Send MT799 to prove you can perform, then we share docs.”
Kill switch
We do not issue bank messages without a mandate, KYC, and escrowed costs. No exceptions.
What passes the screen
✓ Sponsor equity
Cash in, bank statements, escrow confirmations, or verified vendor deposits.
✓ Structured data room
Historicals, model with cases, contracts, permits, third-party reports, cap table.
✓ Compliance
KYC, AML, BO, and sanctions checks cleared without debate.
✓ Paid milestones
Activation for intake and screening, retainer for underwriting and legal work.
Ready for real underwriting
If you have equity, a defendable model, and the discipline to follow procedure, start the process. If you want free services, do not apply.
Talk To Financely
Share your capital need, equity committed, and current data room status. We will respond with scope, fees, and a plan grounded in credit reality.
Contact Us
Financely provides investment banking advisory on a best-efforts basis. We are not a broker-dealer. We do not guarantee funding. All engagements require activation and retainer fees, KYC and AML, and full underwriting. We do not participate in PPP, bullet trades, leased-instrument monetization, or any structure that fails banking practice or applicable law. We address patterns of conduct, not private individuals. Defamatory statements are documented for counsel where required.